What are some funny and smart quotes?

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

Who believes that Speaker Mike Johnson will certify ‘a free and fair and legal election'? Who believes that Speaker Mike Johnson will NOT certify ‘a free and fair and legal election'? Why?

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

Sarepta reports second patient death after treatment with Duchenne gene therapy - statnews.com

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

Do you think Trump is a bad a$$? Why or why not?

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.